so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
