I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
