We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
