she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
