your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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