Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
