dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
