I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
