She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
