her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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