Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Randomize
