nut hugger
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
