you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
