if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
