I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
