She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
