I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
