when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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