when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
no, he came in my armpit
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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