I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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