Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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