Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
