You smell like a Billy Joel song
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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