Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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