32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
