Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
