Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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