have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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