He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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