wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
