there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
