we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
