Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
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