He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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