First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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