I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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