My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
