while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
