Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Randomize
