and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
