When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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