I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
