Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
