I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
