Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
