I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just gift wrapped bread.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
