Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
