Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
