Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He felt like a one man threesome
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
