it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
